to be present

Years ago a friend and I had a challenge... when someone asked "how are you?" we would only answer if the person stopped and listened to the answer.  Suffice to say neither of us answered often.  Most people didn't even notice that an answer wasn't given.  Now blow up that scenario onto a bigger screen. 
What does it mean to be fully present with someone. I've been exploring that more and more.  In my world it means not doing any other thing than being with the person I'm with.  Emotionally or physically.  When I'm walking and someone asks "how are you" I make sure we have eye contact before I reply and then hold that contact until after they have given me their answer. it's great to see the look in someone's face when I give them that moment to truly answer the question and listen.  There is a quiet appreciation for not rushing past. 
Being present means not worrying or hurrying when I'm with someone.  And if I do get all muddled up I check myself and start over.  I've noticed myself doing that with my daughter when I'm really not listening or being available fully.  I correct myself, often out loud, so she understands where I was and why I needed to start again.  The results are so precious that it's worth the practice in learning to be here.
Walking I often take out my ipod headphones so I can hear the world around me.  To be fully present with the trees, the paths, the wind, the sun.  I love the music but I use it to take me out of the moment and into another.  There are times when I intentionally listen to the music to disconnect me from the presence of the traffic, or the crowds of people around me. I'm conscious of the differences and how they are serving me. 
I am grateful for a quieter life these days that I am allowing to be a portal into being more present with life.  My distraction and disconnect before was not music but busy-ness and emotional distance.  I intellectually understood the concept of presence and I dabbled but didn't really get it. I am much more engaged with the practice of presence now and loving it.  I love the feeling and seeing beyond the surface of me, of you, of us, of space of time....for that's what presence does, it takes you beyond the surface into the other, into their story, into their heart, into their mind.  From that place I receive expanded perspectives, deeper understandings and greater compassion. 
 
In a culture that encourages us to be anywhere than where we are, to be present with someone, some activity or some place is an oddity.  Be odd.  Be present.  Be fully focused in the moment with both mind and body. That's my goal for the day.  From the simple to the sublime my intention is to be connected to what I'm doing and thinking.  Really feel life instead of just moving through it. 
I'm not in a rush to live today.  I'm enjoying the beauty of feeling these words, reflecting on experiences of being present, of watching the sun stream across my shiny floors, seeing the light dance through the coloured glass on the table... my list of things to do will get done.  One at a time.  With presence.  With love.

that's what that look was all about

I've just thought of what that look was all about... or at least this is the story of what I think it was saying:  "What is someone from the Facilities Department doing at a lecture on Autism?"  It was a look of exclusion.  Bewilderment of not knowing what to think when an irregular object appears in your world where everything has a certain place.  Everybody else in the room were teachers and student support staff.  What did this have to do with the person who looks after parking, temperature controls and office furniture?

To anybody that knows me I am a mind junkie, a student of thought, ideas, visions...regular or irregular the mind is fascinating.  Learning more about the humanity of people through the workings of the mind is my passion.  To me it's only natural that someone from Facilities should be there... I look after buildings but for whom??? People!!!!  The more I know about the one the more I know about the other.

The lecture on autism was a lecture on life...I could see the teachings applying across the full spectrum of people to varying degrees.  Communication skills, perceptive abilities, organizational tools, support systems.... everyone should know about these things being presented. 

Did you know that the four unwritten rules of communication are:
1.  Quantity
2.  Quality
3.  Relevance
4.  Clarity

With autistic people specialists recommend expressing direct statements when any of these rules are broken.  It's encouraged and accepted.  Why therefore is the rest of civilization excluded from being called out when these rules are broken?  If we all learned to communicate with these rules more clearly in mind and allow others to challenge us when we cross the boundries we'd all get along better, or at least more clearly.  Enough of the pretentions.

Perhaps that's what I should have done in the moment when I felt a look of "what are you doing here?"  It has taken me almost four hours to piece together the words to express what I felt in that moment.  I would like to share with this "educator" why I was there and my vision to connect with the humanity in whatever role I take on in life; Facilities Coordinator, Life Coach, Baker, Office Administrator... you name it and I'll find the human side.  It's what I do. 

I'm grateful to have received a look that took me into deep thought.  My reflections on the significance of our shared humanness reconnects me to my purpose. Thank you lady with the look....today you were my unintended but wonderfully timed muse.

the only place to start

the only place
to start
is right     here 
right         now 
i have all this
space
to    write
to    be
yet
i am
speechless...so to speak
too many
directions

i want 
             stillness
so we can
connect
in quiet
             thought
like the rain
f
 a
    l
      l
        i
          n
             g
in
    jacob's ink
moving
my
soul
beyond 
            within

the breath of
life
layered stripped exposed
caressed   held   loved 

drop
      ping
me
into
awakened          sleep