Extremes or Middleground?

I never thought that I'd be saying this but I'm craving life in the middle.  The middle of what?  The middle of extremes. 
I've long had an affinity for going too far one way or the other.  My family will all raise their hands to attest to that.  Not skydiving off mountains or driving at Indy but extremes of thought, involvement, feelings, actions in day to day life. 
I don't just sit on a committee but act as Chairman.;  I don't just start a new job I'm also on the President's Advisor Council;  I don't just watch what I eat but I do the Master Cleanse or the Warrior diet.  I seldom just dip my toes in the water but dive right into the deep end, regardless of the fact that I can't swim all that well. 
This is pretty cool for the fun things in life but that's the thing with extremes they go both ways.
I've been an extremist in not keeping track of financial details which sucks when looking at the bottom line; I go to extremes of disconnecting from people, including those I love; I don't just give away things I don't want but also things I need leaving myself without; I've hurt relationships by being extremely stubborn and defensive...extreme thinking damaging myself and others.

Thus the craving for the middle.  A place where i am not playing catch up physically, emotionally or spiritually.  Living at extremes can be powerfully wonderful as well as incredibly draining.  The roller coaster that never stops for a break unless it crashes.  I talked about crashes in the last blog and their underlying symbolism for that part of us that simply wants to connect...to feel.

I want to feel without knowing that it's an either/or world.  I want to feel that the middle is safe, happy and valuable. Is it the only place I'll live?  Not a chance... but it can be home base from which I can enjoy my past and create a future that I truly desire. 

Life happens in the middle yet this is where I've fought not to be.  Ahhhh...there's the point.  I'm either running into the future or running from the past, still not settled in the only moment I will ever have - this moment.  I've heard it taught many many times but to truly live it will be the grace of moving more peacefully through the world by looking after the details while I'm gazing at the stars.  I can do both which lands me in the middle... not later but now. 

It's all good.

crashing into sidewalks

Have you ever noticed that most people only shovel the snow right in front of their house?  I'm just in from a walk and found it particularly interesting that so many neighbours shovel only their property...and not an inch more.  I bet they have an exact eye for where their property line officially ends and their neighbour's begins. 

Few and far between are the neighbourhoods that extend the extra effort and shovel just one property more.  Divisions and separations clear and tangible. 

The movie Crash is a poignant, powerful film that tells the story of lives ripped apart through divisions of race.  The stark depiction of a reality of harsh boundaries between people.  The line between me and you is solid, heavy and cruel.  Fear erases the possibility of "us" without mercy and with deep sadness.  Shoveling snow may seem like a stretch to the racial divisions of Los Angeles but big problems start with small problems that never get fixed.

Simple, small steps can bridge the divisions in my neighbourhood, in my city, in my country, in my world.  Be it a unified thought or action.  Without efforts to come together, to expand the borders of "me" there is a trajectory for people to be as the narrator at the beginning of Crash states "... we crash into each other so we can feel something".  Divisions bury the feelings we most desire...love, happiness, joy...

Shovel your neighbours walk...literally or metaphorically.  Your mind, heart and body will be stronger as a result...so too will be your neighbours.  Connect rather than crash.

life through a straw

I drink my tea with a straw...it's the South American mate tea that is most delicious first thing in the morning...best to drink it in a authentic gourd with a mate straw.  Which brings me to my lightbulb moment... my warm tea this cold cold morning was much desired...yet it just wasn't flowing through the straw.  Try as I might I would only get little bits of liquid through it.  Somewhere in it's simple system it is plugged with tea leaves.  This happens.  But I forget to clean it thoroughly everyday.  I give it a once over... making sure the outside is clean and shiny.  After several frustrating attempts at sipping and having no success with a good helping of tea I stopped.  Enough of that straw!
Then I reached into the drawer and pulled out my back up straw.  The one I had forgotten about but found the other day when I was looking for something else.  I put it in the gourd and Voila!! tea.... oodles and zoodle of smooth flowing delicous and nutrious  tea.
Why fight with a plugged straw?!  It's frustrating and senseless.  Life gets plugged sometimes...oftentimes.  Plugged with the build up of people, thoughts, events, stuff, activities, the past, the future, what was done, what we wish hadn't been done.  Just plugged!  If I don't clean out the straw of my life regularly...not just a shiny polish but a real clearing I too will plug the flow of my life.
I don't want that to happen because then I'll miss the delicious flavours of the moment which collectively are my life.  Sometimes a good clearing may mean switching out straws entirely...so be it.  I want life to be smooth flowing and unplugged.
It's not complicated.  Just be clear...be clean not just shiny.  Make sure your insides are uncluttered so life can flow with greater ease.  Write it out, speak it out, pray it out....however you clean just make sure you do it regularly, thoroughly and deeply.  Don't wait for a blockage as it may come in your heart, your mind, your job, your money, your relationship. 
Today I ask myself to be clear of built up emotions so I can be free and clear to be fully present.  Present with myself so I can be present with others.  Unhurried, uncluttered and understanding. 

heart beat



who speaks to your heart?...to whom do you share yours?

i'm pondering tonight the vibrations that move through my heart .... some people, some news, some words, some thoughts that instantly open me to more love, more tears, more smiles, more wondering...it's not everyone or everything ... not always but often... from out of the blue but not really because i know that nothing is coincidence...it's all perfect.... complicated (maybe) but still simple ...

what is it that connects me in those moments.  today.... when i heard the story of a soldier paralyzed by war my heart felt crushed; when i look into the eyes of a friend and i share a revelation of my soul; when i smile at a stranger to let them know they are not alone...or to remind myself; when i read words in a poem that stir my mind to a depth that i feel at one with the vastness of the universe at the same time as being inside the drop of water on the petal of an awakened leaf

alive.  these moments tell me i am alive.  this is why my heart beats...