Extremes or Middleground?

I never thought that I'd be saying this but I'm craving life in the middle.  The middle of what?  The middle of extremes. 
I've long had an affinity for going too far one way or the other.  My family will all raise their hands to attest to that.  Not skydiving off mountains or driving at Indy but extremes of thought, involvement, feelings, actions in day to day life. 
I don't just sit on a committee but act as Chairman.;  I don't just start a new job I'm also on the President's Advisor Council;  I don't just watch what I eat but I do the Master Cleanse or the Warrior diet.  I seldom just dip my toes in the water but dive right into the deep end, regardless of the fact that I can't swim all that well. 
This is pretty cool for the fun things in life but that's the thing with extremes they go both ways.
I've been an extremist in not keeping track of financial details which sucks when looking at the bottom line; I go to extremes of disconnecting from people, including those I love; I don't just give away things I don't want but also things I need leaving myself without; I've hurt relationships by being extremely stubborn and defensive...extreme thinking damaging myself and others.

Thus the craving for the middle.  A place where i am not playing catch up physically, emotionally or spiritually.  Living at extremes can be powerfully wonderful as well as incredibly draining.  The roller coaster that never stops for a break unless it crashes.  I talked about crashes in the last blog and their underlying symbolism for that part of us that simply wants to connect...to feel.

I want to feel without knowing that it's an either/or world.  I want to feel that the middle is safe, happy and valuable. Is it the only place I'll live?  Not a chance... but it can be home base from which I can enjoy my past and create a future that I truly desire. 

Life happens in the middle yet this is where I've fought not to be.  Ahhhh...there's the point.  I'm either running into the future or running from the past, still not settled in the only moment I will ever have - this moment.  I've heard it taught many many times but to truly live it will be the grace of moving more peacefully through the world by looking after the details while I'm gazing at the stars.  I can do both which lands me in the middle... not later but now. 

It's all good.