the chocolate chip cookie

This is it.  The gooder than good, greater than great, bester than best chocolate chip recipe, direct from my cupboard to your screen. 

It's the recipe that my son uses when it's just one of those perfect days to stir up some delicious goodness. A Cat in the Hat kinda day like this past Saturday when the temperatures dropped again, the snow swirled as the winds whipped it all into a winter frenzy that kept us indoors bundled up looking for something to do.   

I'm well beyond the point of having to help Tyson bake.  At 16 he's made his own culinary creations for quite some time.  My job is loyal assistant;  making sure all the ingredients are in the cupboard, finding the mixing tools and doing the dishes. Yes, he could do all these things as a solitary endeavour, we know that, but we both relax into our respective duties like clockwork.  We have a routine in our hanging out in the kitchen time.  Beyond the baking we chat, we listen to music, discuss current events, share ideas and joke about funny bits and pieces of who we are and the adventures we've had. 

It's simple.  We didn't have to travel to get to this place.  It didn't cost us a zillion dollars.  No time off work.  Just time. Time together, relaxed and unhurried.   Time that builds a foundation for conversations that are necessary when life is not going so smoothly.  Time that locks in memories for when we're not together and we need a comforting thought to hold onto.  Tyson shared with me that when he was sick last week all he wanted was cookies...our homemade cookies, an affirmation that these chocolate chip cookies are more than what they appear to be... in their essence they are love... delicious, fun and simple.  If we just wanted the cookies we could buy them at the store.  But that's it's more than that. 

Mary Oliver, in her poem, "Mindfulness" speaks so eloquently about how we find beauty and wisdom in the "ordinary, the common, the very drab...".  This precious time of baking with my son using the same recipe, following the same process, playing the same roles, resulting in the same common cookie is far from ordinary.  It is the "untrimmable light" that shines brightly in my heart long after the last morel is devoured. 

Where can you find light in the greyness of life?  Where can you find joy in the common?  With whom can you find beauty in the every day?   The answers are as close as your next breath...in the rhythm of your  beating heart.  They are as delicate as the opening of the tulips on the kitchen table and as quiet as the sound of the whispering winds on a peaceful summer's eve.  Are you listening?  What does it say?  What do you need to do to feel this soft world? 

Mindful by Mary Oliver

Every day

     I see or hear

           something

                  that more or less

kills me

       with delight,

            that leaves me

                   like a needle

in the haystack

     of light.

          It was what I was born for -

                to look, to listen,

to lose myself

     inside this soft world-

         to instruct myself

             over and over

in joy,

   and acclamation.

       Nor am I talking

              about the exceptional,

the fearful, the dreadful,

     the very extravagant -

           but of the ordinary,

                 the common, the very drab,

the daily presentations.

      Oh, good scholar,

           I say to myself,

                how can you help

but grow wise

      with such teachings

           as these-

               the untrimmable light

of the world,

    the ocean's shine,

         the prayers that are made

             out of grass?

       

     

feeling into backward...lessons from the rink part 2


Today was the day.  I had the rink to myself.  The ice was hard and smooth from days of minus 20 temperatures.  Sun shining bright...perfect. 

Each time I go to the rink I watch in awe those who can swirl and glide backwards.  I'm pretty good at all things forward but backwards...I knew I just couldn't get it... so I didn't try.  I would secretly watch hockey skaters in particular who can switch forward to backward on a dime... wow!!  If only I could do that too.  But I can't, I'm so sure I can't.  I've never been to hockey camp, never had a skating teacher.  It's way too difficult.

My excuse has been that I couldn't envision what backwards looked like.  In my mind I can't see how to cross over my skates, I don't know the timing, I can't see it.  Just like juggling, I can't see where the balls need to go and when so I don't juggle.  But I'm ok not knowing how to juggle.  I'm not ok only skating forward.  It's like I'm missing half the experience. 

With the rink to myself, a free Saturday afternoon and daytime energy fueling my body I was keen to give backwards a go.  I thought about it and thought about it ... stalling.  Keep going in the direction you know how to go.  Forwards is fine...it's safe.  Then it happened.  I stopped thinking.  I heard the words in my head that said very clearly, "don't think, feel".  Feel what it feels like to skate backwards.  So I did.

Slowly, with ungracious, wobbly steps I started the flow of backwards.  At first I didn't lift my blades much off the ice.  I felt like Bambi all gangly and unknowing of what to do on the ice.  Determined to make the most of all this space and time I practiced and practiced.  When I just moved with the feeling of what it's like to go backwards I was ok yet when I started to think about it I'd start to try harder which ended up in an awkward stumble or crash.  I'd lean too sharp, look down too often, move right when I should have moved left....my brain getting in the way.

The hardest hit came with a knee jarring fall at centre ice when a group of people were passing through the rink.  My judging mind overpowered the joy of just being on the ice with a self-conscious fear of looking foolish.  Ouch!  I could have stopped there limping off the ice...but that's not me.  Up and at'em...shake it off.  They left, I kept skating.

As I practiced the flow of feeling what it's like to go backwards I found that I didn't want to skate forwards...I wanted more of what was new, exciting and expanding.  I had moved into a fuller experience of skating, enjoying a small personal victory of going from what I thought I couldn't do to what I could.  Even my fear of what on lookers might say melting away. 

I've got lots of practicing yet to do but I started...that's the big celebration in my world.   My decision today to not hold back helped me to cross my own inner barrier of what is possible.  Releasing my habit of over thinking was holding me back from having a richer experience. 

Where else am I doing that in my life?  I know a few places; one in particular that has been consuming my mind. I will allow my experience on the ice to teach me what I need to do to move that situation from my head into my heart.  Feel it, not think it.  If I want a fuller experience then it's up to me to do something different.  Stop watching from the sidelines and take an action.  Baby steps are ok... being frozen in fear is not.

How about you.?  Are you stuck in a web of thought.  If you were to feel your way instead of thinking your way who knows what might happen...you might just be able to do what you told yourself you couldn't, wouldn't or shouldn't do.

I am eager to get back out to the rink and feel the movement of skating backwards again... and again and again...  Sometimes we simply have to move backwards in order to go forwards. 

edges of the rink

 

What I noticed at the rink last night is that the edges of the rink are the best.  The ice near the edges is smooth as glass, void of almost any skate marks.  That is because few people venture to the edges. The majority of skaters prefer to stay in the grooves of the inner circle.  The track that most people follow is

the thick icy ruts created by those who lap the ice around and around and around and around... 

The ice in the ruts gets cut up, pit holed and choppy. It's easier to fall under conditions like that. I hit the ice hard the other night while crossing over the ruts practicing cross overs en route to the gleaming surface of the corner.  Lesson: get up, shake it off, and try again.  I can't stop just because I fall.  I circle the rink in figure eights and loops of various sizes always with the view to reach the edges for those epic turns that makes me feel like a professional skater.   The turns and swirls that transcend me from the everyday and remind me of how fun skating is. How fun life is.

I think people are afraid of the edges.  What if they fall off the ice?  What if they can't stop?  What if it's off limits?  What will happen if they go where others don't?  What good God would happen if they leave the rut to enjoy the bliss of the corners gleaming under the night sky?  Surely there must be a good reason why no on else goes there...who am I they ask to make tracks on a clean surface?  What if I stand out from the crowd?  What if....

Well let me ask you this?  Who are you not to?  Who are you not to tread where others don't?  Who are you to stay stuck in the ruts, get caught in the race and leave yourself in the grooves created by generations of others who make the holes that are most likely to trip you? 

The edges are beautiful.  They call you to practice turning so you don't crash.  They call you to be extra mindful of space, timing and distance.  They invite you to see your own path marked clearly.  They dare you to experience moments of delight that others miss.  They ask you to listen to the sound of ice cut under your blade, not the scraping of rough and worn surfaces.  They remind you that there is more to life than the circle of contentment.  They teach you to get up if you fall down, especially if it hurts hard.  Next time have your eyes open wider and your focus sharper. 

The rink is life.  The ruts create order for the masses.  Use them if you must but don't get stuck in them.  Cross over to the corners.  They are the diamonds that glisten in the night sky that make the skate worth while.  Fall into the snow if you can't stop, hit the boards....then bounce back knowing that you are stronger than you thought.  Live life for the edges so you can enjoy the fullness of the skate.

The season is drawing to a close... Spring is just around the corner so if you  haven't laced up and hit the outdoor rink yet I invite you to do what you have to to make that happen. Even if it's just once...accept the tease of the corner so you can say you've been there.  Guaranteed glee...now that's AWESOME!!!!

p.s.  my skating visual is refusing to move to the centre...this is too funny... so I'm going to stop the struggle of forcing it to do what I want and let it be on the edge...obviously that's where it wants to be :-)

an awesome day!

Top to bottom, inside out and backwards it's an awesome day! 

This morning for my birthday my awesome and amazing kids gave me a book called "The Book of Awesome" by Neil Pasricha. It's a treasure of fun and happy bits of life that are, as the title says, awesome!!
For example, page 174 "Your favorite old, comfy T-shirt"; page 104 "That friendly nod between strangers out doing the same thing; page 374 "The last day of school"; page 44 "Hitting a bunch of green lights in a row". 

In my own story over the past couple of days Awesome looked like having my lost wallet returned with everything in it...money included; receiving a misplaced courier package; going to a cheerleader competition surrounded by high adrenaline excitement; holding my little niece's hand and feeling her squeeze my finger as she drifted off to sleep. 
Simple moments of wonder.  They could mean nothing, or they could mean something.  It's my choice and what I choose creates the life that I want.  I need to make a decision, over and over and over again.  Those are the actions of my life unfolding with purpose.  If I set my purpose to having an awesome experience then whatever happens I know the process and the experience will be for my good.  My paradigm of awesome is an internal action that elevates everything in my world.

By feeling an abundance of awesome I find that I can weather the "not so awesome" with quicker turn around time.  There's been a few situations this week that could easily have spriraled into darkness.  Yet, even in the deepest parts of what seemed terribly askew I had an even deeper knowing that this too was awesome. For through the rough stuff love was unfolding in new and wonderful ways.  

To the common phrase "how's it going?" I double dog dare you to reply back to the questioner, "I'm having an awesome day!"  and mean it.  Say it with a smile so it comes from your heart.  Challenge the status quo that robotically says' "not so bad"...or "ok I guess".  Don't guess at your life.  Make it what you want.  Make it awesome through your thoughts, your words and your actions. One small step, one small detail, one small connection at a time allow the awesomeness to unfold.    

My choice is awesome!  I am blessed beyond words in this feeling.  Thank you to all of the wonderful, amazing and happy people who are gracing my day, my birthday with delicious awesomeness.

For more information on the official Book of Awesome check out http://www.1000awesomethings.com/
 or watch Neil Pasricha on http://www.ted.com/ .