Today was the day. I had the rink to myself. The ice was hard and smooth from days of minus 20 temperatures. Sun shining bright...perfect.
Each time I go to the rink I watch in awe those who can swirl and glide backwards. I'm pretty good at all things forward but backwards...I knew I just couldn't get it... so I didn't try. I would secretly watch hockey skaters in particular who can switch forward to backward on a dime... wow!! If only I could do that too. But I can't, I'm so sure I can't. I've never been to hockey camp, never had a skating teacher. It's way too difficult.
My excuse has been that I couldn't envision what backwards looked like. In my mind I can't see how to cross over my skates, I don't know the timing, I can't see it. Just like juggling, I can't see where the balls need to go and when so I don't juggle. But I'm ok not knowing how to juggle. I'm not ok only skating forward. It's like I'm missing half the experience.
With the rink to myself, a free Saturday afternoon and daytime energy fueling my body I was keen to give backwards a go. I thought about it and thought about it ... stalling. Keep going in the direction you know how to go. Forwards is fine...it's safe. Then it happened. I stopped thinking. I heard the words in my head that said very clearly, "don't think, feel". Feel what it feels like to skate backwards. So I did.
Slowly, with ungracious, wobbly steps I started the flow of backwards. At first I didn't lift my blades much off the ice. I felt like Bambi all gangly and unknowing of what to do on the ice. Determined to make the most of all this space and time I practiced and practiced. When I just moved with the feeling of what it's like to go backwards I was ok yet when I started to think about it I'd start to try harder which ended up in an awkward stumble or crash. I'd lean too sharp, look down too often, move right when I should have moved left....my brain getting in the way.
The hardest hit came with a knee jarring fall at centre ice when a group of people were passing through the rink. My judging mind overpowered the joy of just being on the ice with a self-conscious fear of looking foolish. Ouch! I could have stopped there limping off the ice...but that's not me. Up and at'em...shake it off. They left, I kept skating.
As I practiced the flow of feeling what it's like to go backwards I found that I didn't want to skate forwards...I wanted more of what was new, exciting and expanding. I had moved into a fuller experience of skating, enjoying a small personal victory of going from what I thought I couldn't do to what I could. Even my fear of what on lookers might say melting away.
I've got lots of practicing yet to do but I started...that's the big celebration in my world. My decision today to not hold back helped me to cross my own inner barrier of what is possible. Releasing my habit of over thinking was holding me back from having a richer experience.
Where else am I doing that in my life? I know a few places; one in particular that has been consuming my mind. I will allow my experience on the ice to teach me what I need to do to move that situation from my head into my heart. Feel it, not think it. If I want a fuller experience then it's up to me to do something different. Stop watching from the sidelines and take an action. Baby steps are ok... being frozen in fear is not.
How about you.? Are you stuck in a web of thought. If you were to feel your way instead of thinking your way who knows what might happen...you might just be able to do what you told yourself you couldn't, wouldn't or shouldn't do.
I am eager to get back out to the rink and feel the movement of skating backwards again... and again and again... Sometimes we simply have to move backwards in order to go forwards.
No comments:
Post a Comment